PARENTS QUOTES

There is no school equal to a decent home and no teacher equal to a virtuous parent.

Children are not to be blamed for the faults of their parents.

A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he’s in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you’re telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

Every father says the same thing: “Where’s your mother?”

Except for the cost of the child, which my lead you to consider joining organized crime, fathering is easier today than it was when I began.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.

For the last nine million years, ever since the first child crawled out of the slime [where his mother had told him not to play] ...