JOSH BILLINGS QUOTES

"Familiarity breeds kontempt." This only applies tew men, not tew hot bukwheat slapkakes, well buttered and sugared.

7 per cent haz no rest, nor no religion, it works nights, and Sundays, and even wet days.

A man's reputashun iz something like hiz coat, thare iz certain kemikals that will take the stains and grease spots out ov it, but it alwus haz a second-handed kind ov a look, and generally smells strong ov the kemikals.

A secret ceases to be a secret if it is once confided—it is like a dollar bill, once broken, it is never a dollar again.

About one haff the pitty in this world iz not the result ov sorrow, but satisfackshun that it aint our hoss that haz had hiz leg broke.

As a gineral thing, when a woman wares the britches, she has a good rite tew them.

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.

Awl human happiness is conservatiff; 2 thirds ov the pleasure in sliding down hill consists in drawing the sled back. I don't serpoze thare would be enny fun in sliding down a hill 34 miles long.

Better make a weak man your enemy than your friend.

Cunning iz very apt tew outwit itself. The man who turned the boat over and got under it tew keep out ov the rain, waz one ov this kind.