WOODY ALLEN QUOTES

 You think the President of the United States wants to fuck every woman he meets?... Well, bad example.

[The universe is] haphazard, morally neutral, and unimaginably violent.

A fast word about oral contraception. I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said "no."

And how does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket?

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree"— probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Between the Pope and air conditioning, I'd choose air conditioning.

Can we actually "know" the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.

Change is death.

Death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.

Eternal nothingness is O.K. if you're dressed for it.